Food for thought

I am one of those people who is ALWAYS hungry and rarely full. My whole life, I have been plagued by this particular issue. You know how people sometimes scratch their heads and say, "Gee, I forgot to eat lunch." Yeah. That was NEVER EVER me. I have never missed a single solitary opportunity to eat.

My relationship with food is fairly complex and I have always struggled with my weight. I don't think I am quite ready to air all that dirty laundry in this forum, but suffice it to say that I have food issues, and that is putting mildly.

During the first half of the pregnancy I got off to a running start. I read in one of my gazillion pregnancy books that early weight gain in twins was directly correlated to the birth weight of the babies. So I took that to mean that I could eat ice cream every night, in addition to the other 3000 calories or so I was eating. I quickly gained about 12 pounds. During the second trimester, I was delighted to learn that I should be eating between 3000 and 3500 calories a day! Now, believe it or not, that is actually hard. Especially when you need to fit lots of healthy fruits and veggies in there. I mean, I could take down 1000 calories worth of french fries every day no problem, but somehow I think that might not be in the babies' or my best interests.

But I continued to eat nearly everything in sight, mostly because for the first time in my life, I was eating without debilitating, complex, agonizing guilt. I have been doing Atkins off and on for two full years and let me tell you, I took no greater pleasure than enjoying every carb that came my way. I gained another 10-15 pounds in the second trimester. I kept asking my doctor about my weight to make sure I was doing no harm to myself or the babies and I kept hearing reassurances that I was right on track.

Then a funny thing happened. Food started to lose its lustre. I went to McDonalds one day (I was trying to limit that particular addiction to once a week - for those of you who knew me in college, that is quite an accomplishment) and it wasn't good. Now, I have been eating McDonalds on the regular for my whole life and for the first time EVER, I didn't want it. Curious. Very curious. Then, nothing started tasting good to me. And my hunger, for the first time in my life, went away. I had to force myself to eat every meal (other than breakfast, for some reason, Cornflakes has been IT for me). And this trimester, I have gained all of 4 pounds or so.

This lack of hunger has opened up a new world to me. I don't wake up in the morning thinking about what I am going to eat today. I am not driven by what I am going to have for lunch or dinner. I am merely eating to sustain myself (and my babies), but pretty much not for pleasure at all. And I wonder, am I cured? Is this merely a symptom of the fact that Baby B has taken up residence on my stomach and is smushing it or is there something deeper and more psychological going on here. Have I finally sated my appetite? Now that I am permitting myself to eat whatever I want, do I not want it anymore? Sort of like make the forbidden fruit (or in this case, carbs) no longer forbidden.

Realistically, it is probably more the former than the latter and after the babies come, and I get back on the deprivation bicycle, I will probably go back to obsessing over every bagel that I don't get to eat. But what a life it would be if that didn't happen.