The Disney World Fantasy

I just looked through all these pictures of my sister's trip to Orlando with her kids.  There was a time, not too long ago, that I thoughts such a trip would be agony.  I just couldn't imagine what would be fun about waiting in long lines for horrendous, stomach turning rides, with three screaming kids, for hundreds of dollars a day.  I would have much rather have spent my hard earned money going skiing with my girlfriends or buying the latest Prada bag (omg, the fall collection is to die for btw). 

What I didn't understand then, and what I am starting to understand now, is that having kids is fun for the parents.   I know that must seem obvious to many of you, but it hasn't been to me. Emily's kids looked so frickin happy eating mounds of whipped cream for breakfast and riding go carts in the hot Florida sunshine that I could tell it made Emily and Brendan happy too.  I used to not understand that providing joy for your kids equalled joy for the parents. 

I have mentioned a few times that I have had a hard time connecting with the reality of being a parent.  One problem with missing this reality is that I have spent a lot of time dreading all the really scary and difficult things about having kids without spending a lot of time daydreaming about the fun stuff.  I can barely even read the baby books anymore for fear of colic, birth defects and other traumas.  But looking at Emily's pictures reminded me that there are some really fun and funny times ahead.  And for some reason, I just haven't been thinking about those fun and funny times. 

Essentially I think it all boils down to the reasons Brent and I decided to have kids.  As much as I was desperate to get pregnant, I wasn't really in touch with why.  It was more of an intuitive, instinctual kind of thing, rather than a desire to play and enjoy having kids.  I wasn't consciously thinking about the having kids part, I was more responding to some primitive need to procreate.  And as some of you know, I hadn't really given a lot of thought to what happens after you get pregnant.

Seeing Emily's pictures tonight got me so excited.  Excited to take my kids to Disney World someday.  Excited to take them to Colts games.  Excited to watch them be cute when they do something like eat a mound of whipped cream.  Having them and being a part of their lives will be the payoff for all the worrying, sleeplessness, and misery I have been enduring (and will continue to endure).  

And it is finally beginning to feel worth it.