Childbirth Classes

Last night, Brent and I attended an "Expecting Multiples" childbirth class at our hospital. Like most normal pregnancy things, I was skeptical about the class in general. I just couldn't picture Brent and I siting dutifully in a class of pregnant couples, practicing breathing, passing around baby dolls and watching birthing videos with a straight face. But the closer and closer I get to my delivery date, the more I realize that I don't know squat about what to do with the babies when they get here, nor do I know very much about how to get them here in the first place. Other than the unfortunate and unexpected crotch shot in Knocked Up, I have never even seen a live birth before.

So, with some misgivings, we signed up and went to the class. (We were late, of course, I am sure you aren't surprised.) And all in all, it was a good experience. We covered a wide variety of topics, including diet and weight during pregnancy, risks associated with multiple pregnancy and birth (I could have taught that portion of the class I have read so much on the topic), birth options, and newborn care and feeding. The instructor rocked, she was a nurse who had identical twins, so she gave great practical AND medical advice. Here are some of the things we learned:

1. By week 20, the average twin weight gain is 25 pounds. WHO HOO. What a relief. I was starting to freak out about my girth, it is good to know that I am within normal limits. I guess that means I can resume my doughnut habit.

2. 65% of twin births occur prior to week 37 and more than two thirds are by C-section. The good news is that I will probably know by about the end of September (around 30 weeks) whether or not I am going to try it the ol' fashioned way or if I am going under the knife.

3. Our hospital doesn't use heparin to clear IV lines, so no worries that our kiddos will suffer the scandal du jour that has been occurring at hospitals around the country

4. We should try and feed the babies at the same time so that we aren't constantly feeding, changing, burping and the like.

5. Co-bedding (putting them both in the same crib) isn't recommended by the American Association of Pediatricians. But I think I am going to do it anyway.

6. We should get a backpack diaper bag and we should always carry an extra set of clothes and diapers in ziplock bag for each kid. Great idea!

The information was flung at me so fast my head was spinning. It didn't help that this WT lady that was a hospital employee (IN THE FACILITIES DEPT...NOT A HEALTH PROFESSIONAL) kept interrupting the teacher to give her two cents. If I wanted to get medical advice from a hillbilly with too many kids and feathered bangs, I would have gone to the state fair and asked a carnie. At least then I would have gotten some fried dough for my trouble.

Anyway, we then watched two videos about childbirth. The first was a vaginal delivery of twins and the second was a C-section of triplets. The vaginal delivery was actually not that disturbing, other than the amount of touching the husband (and mother in law) were doing while the wife (who also had feathered bangs) was in labor. I was so creeped out. If Brent or Carol get near me with the intention of caressing me while I am having contractors, I fear they will leave the hospital with fewer appendages than they entered with. But all in all, the video was pretty amazing. I was slightly distracted by Brent's running commentary. At one point, he actually poked me and told me to ask the teacher if we could keep the placenta. If you know Brent at all, you would understand that is his type of gross humor. If you don't know Brent, please don't judge me for my choice of spouse.

The C-Section video was another matter altogether. That was just GROSS and SCARY. I was seriously disturbed by the roughness of the whole procedure, not to mention that the amniotic sac squirted everywhere when the surgeons ruptured it. I turned a lovely shade of eggshell white. But regardless of the method of delivery, it really is quite unreal to see living, screaming, babies being pulled from their mom and ready to enter the world. I was speechless. The range of emotions I felt was indescribable, a mixture of fear, anxiety, joy, excitement and impatience, all at once. I felt like I couldn't wait for it to be me combined with a hope that I never have to do it. (Of course I know I do, but you know what I mean.)

After the videos we took a tour of the Labor and Delivery area of the hospital. We walked around the high risk OB area, where bed rest moms stay, and then to the Labor and Delivery rooms and OR. Then we ducked into the NICU, which is an awful place. I mean, they have tried really hard to make it cheery, and I know the babies are getting amazing care, but still, no baby should be born at 2 pounds. We saw one born at 30 weeks, and it didn't even quite look human. More like a little tiny doll. It was really tragic to see these oxygen hoods, and vents, and all the other gear these kiddos need to survive. I resolved then and there to stop wishing for the babies to come early...they definitely need to be well done by the time they are born.

The outcome of all this is that I do feel a little better prepared for what is coming. But honestly, I am not sure if knowledge is power in this situation. Sometimes I feel like the more I know, the less confident I feel. But regardless of how I feel, it is all going to happen and happen pretty soon.