Ach. My aching back...

Well friends, I think the period of an easy-peasy pregnancy is over. In a word or two, this sucks. I hope you won't mind indulging me in a little bitch session about the aches and pains I have been feeling...I sort of feel like a long-suffering bubbe (for you gentiles out there who don't watch Weeds, that is Yiddish for grandmother).

In the last few weeks, my body has started to completely fall apart. It all begin with a weird episode where I got dizzy and lightheaded and all freaked out. Of course I called the doctor, who patiently (and patronizingly) explained to me that I am pregnant with twins in the middle of the summer and I should lower my expectations about feeling well. I should drink lots of fluids and take it easy. Umm, ok.

Next up was a day of heart palpitations. I thought I was having a heart attack all day and when I went up the 17 steps to my office I almost fainted. That was fun.

Then, my tailbone started hurting when I sat down for extended periods of time. I know what you are thinking, and yes, I have accumulated a bit of padding on my tush that would theoretically protect me from such discomfort. Not so. So add that to the list of super fun special pregnancy symptoms that are magically delicious.

Then as I was packing for Karen's wedding, I started trying on all the new cute(ish) dresses I had bought. I slipped on some low gold heels only to realize I had developed the dreaded CANKLES. Yep, my ankles have completely disappeared and now I am left with legs that resemble tree trunks. I was mildly alarmed that I was already swelling up in my feet, especially considering how kind I have been to them recently. Usually I am a complete masochist when it comes to shoes, but lately I have been strictly attired in flats. I look short. And even with all this vertical sacrifice, I am still all swelled up.

We went to Karen's wedding over the weekend (elephant feet and all). It was an absolutely spectacular time and I have never been happier for someone that wasn't, well, me. It was a traditional, loving, and warm affair and I really enjoyed the whole shebang. Except for when my left leg started falling asleep. Apparently when I stand up for extended periods of time, one of the babies seems to push on a nerve that makes my thigh fall asleep. It was amusing when I tried to dance the Hora. I am not a strong dancer in the first place. Pregnant, bloated, tired, dizzy, with a numb left thigh does not improve things. If any of you have photographic evidence of me attempting to dance, please do not make it available for public consumption. Thanks.

Then to make matters actually scary, I took my blood pressure when I got home from Chicago on Monday and it was super high. I, being my melodramatic self, completely freaked out and started envisioning what my life would look like if I had to go on bed rest right now. I was picturing lots of Law and Order and ice cream sandwiches. I know that doesn't sound that terrible, but imagine not leaving your house, in the middle of the prettiest time of year, for TWENTY WEEKS. YEP, THAT MEANS FIVE MONTHS. I would truly go insane. I called the doctor the moment her office opened, and she explained to me (with a bit less patience and even more patronization) that I am pregnant with twins in the middle of summer, and that as long as my blood pressure comes back down (it did) I should drink lots of fluids and take it easy. Um, thanks.

The only great news I have to report is that I felt one of the boys give me a good hard kick during the wedding reception on Sunday night. I think I can safely infer from the kick that the babies enjoyed me whispering scandalous news during the birkat (the after dinner prayer). Good to know. I am glad to hear that my gossipy tendencies now have a legit justification: the babies like it!