Overwhelmed

I was just standing in the nursery standing over the boys cribs, and crying. I haven't really been the most emotional mom, and this was just the most surreal moment. Granted, I had about four glasses of wine this evening and I am feeling really sentimental. But, I am just feeling so moved right now. I made those two little precious boys. They are mine.

I laid down in their nursery and thought about all the sleepless nights I spent laying in that barkolounger praying for sleep while I was pregnant. That reclining chair was one of the first things I bought for the nursery and while I was sleepless and hugely knocked up, I would retreat up to that chair during hot sleepless nights during my late pregnancy. I figured it would be the easiest positition to sleep in. I didn't realize that I would also count on the symbolism of sleeping in the boys' room to help me sleep. The room was already painted a beautiful shade of robin's egg blue and I would lay there and dream about the boys kicking their feet all through me.

Tonight I laid back down in that chair for the first time since I gave birth. Sure, I have sat there lots of times feeding the boys, even nursing them, but this is the first time I have tilted the chair all the way back and laid there, staring at the ceiling, since I was pregnant. This time, however, I heard the most amazing snores, sighs, and heavy breathing. These boys are people. They are not inside of me anymore. I cannot describe how profound that feels.

I have a feeling this will seem far less eloquent tomorrow morning when the wine wears off. But for now, I am just so moved. Those are my sons. They are laying up there sleeping so peacefully in the nursery. The nursery where I spent so many sleepless nights thinking about them. And now, all I want to do is curl up there and listen to them breathe.