The Parenting Hamster Wheel

So, I love being a parent. I think I have made that abundantly clear. But, there is a certain endlessness to it all that sometimes can be pretty overwhelming. The best way to demonstrate this endlessness is the mornings. To be perfectly fair, we have it pretty good. Oscar and Judah are still the best sleepers. They go to bed around 6:30 p.m. every night and sleep straight through until around 8:00 a.m. From what I can glean from other parents, this is fairly ridiculous sleep habits.

Nonetheless (and really, whether they wake up at six or nine, the responsibilities are equivalent) every single day, I am awakened by Judah crying. I no longer use an alarm clock and I don't think I have since mid September, when he woke me by kicking me on the inside. And so, every day, I trudge into the kitchen, make two bottles, heat them up, while Brent drags his ass upstairs to change diapers. We then feed both boys and then get ready for the day. (Ok, since I am still on "sabbatical" I sometimes go back to sleep for a little while...it is downright gluttony, but I figure I will never really get to do this again, so I might as well enjoy it).

See, there is no sleep button for Judah. And I can't roll over and pull the pillow over my head. He has to eat, he is starving. Of course, so is Oscar, but he is infinitely more patient about the whole thing. And so, every day, for the next 18 or so years, I am going to awaken with the sole responsibility of feeding these two little monsters. There are no day offs. No spring breaks. I am a mom forever, with the attendant responsibilities. Of course I knew I was getting into this. And of course I knew it would be monotonous sometimes and it would feel like a chore sometimes. And it does.

There are a million little responsibilities that go along with parenting. I am sure this seems fairly obvious to most of you, but I think I didn't fully understand it until I was pregnant. I don't want this post to seem like I don't love being a mom, but I do think that I should be honest about the struggles of parenthood too. Not everything is lollipops and rainbows, as Brent would say. And sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I would kill to roll over and sleep in, not feeling guilt that every extra minute they cry in the morning is going to add to their time in psychotherapy later.