Eviction Notice

I am done. I know I have been saying that for weeks, but this time I really mean it. As of tonight, as I write this, I am 35 weeks and 2 days pregnant. This is the average gestation for twins. I am sitting home alone, on a Saturday night, writing my blog, while my entire family and my husband are celebrating my niece's bat mitzvah with cocktails. I am sitting in front of the computer in the one pair of pants that still fit, making a Sara Lee cherry pie for dinner. Could I get any more pathetic? Seriously?

My complaints are many. If you are sick of reading about my pregnancy angst (and really, who could blame you) then skip this post. Because I don't have much else to say. I have been stuck on bed rest/house arrest for almost a month now, and I am at the absolute end of my rope. At first, it was manageable because I could still wear a few items from my closet, I wasn't completely over take out food, I could sleep about 3 hour stretches at night, and I knew it was best to keep the babies in.

Since then, much has changed. I have become dumber from all the TV I watch, including my daily addiction to The Price is Right, What Not to Wear and a solid hour of the Baby Story. Second, I have made an imprint of my ass in my couch. This is horrifying. Third, I have become increasingly uncomfortable. I am talking sheer misery at this point. I cannot get up from a chair without help, I cannot sleep, I have a headache all the time, my feet are of ridiculous proportions, and well, everything hurts.

Also, I have been to the hospital twice in the last week on various false alarms. Talk about cruel punishment, sending a women who is nearly 9 months pregnant to the hospital only to send her home sans babies. Last Friday night, I was having contractions and they hooked me up to the monitors (three monitors to be exact, on elastic bands stretched painfully tight against my very sensitive, itchy, stretched skin) only to discover that Baby A wasn't moving around enough. So they kept me overnight to monitor me (I slept a total of 46 minutes the whole night) only to discover that all was well (of course a good thing) and be sent home. As happy as I was that Baby A is fine, it was pretty disappointing to think that delivery may be in the cards only to be sent back to my couch without passing go or collecting two hundred dollars.

Thursday I got a brief reprieve from house arrest to have my last High Def ultrasound. The fabulous news is that Baby A is 6 lbs. 4 oz. and Baby B is 6 lbs. 2 oz. so they are very big and healthy. The bad news for me is that I now have nearly 12 and 1/2 lbs. of baby inside of me. And they are very happy and content in there, which probably doesn't mean they will be leaving anytime soon without some intervention. The doctor at the ultrasound did come speak with me and after looking at my balloon like feet and hands and taking my blood pressure, decided to send me over to the hospital for some tests and maybe (fingers and toes crossed!) delivery. So I headed over there all a twitter, thinking that 11/13 sounded like a grand birthday for the boys. But yet again, it was all a huge letdown because everything was fine, the babies and I are just peachy.

When I got home, I just lost it. I cried. I slept. And then I went back to the couch. I see the doctor again on Tuesday and I am hoping that she will finally start talking about scheduling me for a c-section, maybe even for this week. A girl can dream can't she?

P.S. A little piece of advice for all of you out there trying to commiserate with a very pregnant, miserable soon to be mommy, the following comments are not helpful, provide little to no insight, and do not make me feel any better. If you have said any of these things, please don't feel that I am calling you out, I have heard them so frequently that I can't even remember who said what, but I cannot hear this crap anymore:

"The babies will come when they ready."

"You aren't sleeping now to get you ready for when the babies come."

"Mother nature knows best"

"Tell those babies to stay in as long as possible"

"Wow, you really are huge."